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by Eugene O'Neill

"You've just told me some high spots in 

your memories. Want to hear mine? 

They're all connected with the sea........ 

I became drunk with the beauty and 

singing rhythm of it, and for a moment 

I lost myself--- actually lost my life. I was 

set free! I dissolved in the sea, became white sails and flying spray, became 

beauty and rhythm, became moonlight 

and the ship and the high dim-starred 

sky! I belonged, without past or future, 

within peace and unity and wild joy, 

within something greater than my own 

life, and the life of Man, to Life itself! 

To God, if you want to put it that way....

Dreaming, not keeping lookout, feeling alone, and above, and apart, watching 

the dawn creep like a painted dream 

over the sky and sea which slept together. Then the moment of ecstatic freedom 

came. The peace, the end of the quest, 

the last harbor, the joy of belonging to a fulfillment beyond men's lousy, pitiful, 

greedy fears and hopes and dreams! 

And several other times of my life, when 

I was swimming far out, or lying alone on a beach, I have had the same experience. I became the sun, the hot sand, green seaweed anchored to a rock, swaying in the tide. Like a saint's vision of beatitude. Like the veil of things as they seem drawn back by an unseen hand. For a second you see--and seeing the secret, are the secret. For a second time there is meaning! Then the hand lets the veil fall and you are alone, lost in the fog again, and you stumble on toward nowhere, for no good reason. It was a great mistake, my being born a man. I would have been much more successful as a sea gull or a fish. As it is, I will always be a stranger who never feels at home, who does not really want and is not really wanted, who can never belong, who must always be a little in love with death............